Ask What Game They're Playing
Set aside the stated aim. What does their behaviour reveal?
Before responding to someone's move — in a negotiation, a meeting, a competitive situation — write down: What does this person seem to want in practice? Not what they say they want, but what their behaviour reveals. Status? Security? Speed? Control? Once you can name their game, you can decide whether to play it, change it, or walk away.
Someone's behaviour doesn't match their stated intentions, or you're in a multi-party situation where motivations are unclear.
The situation is straightforward and the other person's motives are transparent and aligned with yours.
Why it works
People rarely state their true objectives. But behaviour is honest — it always reveals the actual game. Reading the real game gives you information that their words deliberately conceal.
People tell you what they want. Their behaviour tells you what they’re actually trying to get — and these are often completely different things. A colleague who says they want collaboration but blocks every shared decision is seeking control. A competitor who says they want market growth but undercuts on price is trying to push you out. The gap between stated and revealed preference is where strategic advantage lives. Once you name the real game, everything clarifies: their past moves make sense, their next moves become predictable, and your strategy can target the actual dynamic rather than the performance.