Emotional Resilience

Emotional Regulation

Regulation isn't suppression — suppressed emotion gets louder and leakier. These tools work with the feeling instead. Reappraise the situation so the emotion recalibrates to fit it. Scale the intensity down to its actual size. Give yourself permission to feel it, which paradoxically shortens it. Separate the person from the problem so the anger has a target it can resolve. The aim is an emotional system that gives you accurate data at a usable volume.

Wait for the Half-Life 2 min

Ninety seconds. Let the chemistry finish. Then decide.

You're in the grip of a strong emotional reaction — anger, panic, humiliation — and about to act on it.

Scale It 1 to 10 1 min

On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is this really?

Your emotional reaction feels disproportionate to the situation, or everything feels equally urgent and catastrophic.

Separate the Person from the Problem 3 min

The person is not the problem. The problem is the problem.

A disagreement is escalating and you can feel yourself making the problem about who the person is rather than what they did.

Let the Feeling Exist 1 min

Let the feeling exist before deciding what to do.

You notice yourself suppressing, dismissing, or rationalising away a genuine emotional response.

Rewrite the Interpretation 3 min

That's one way to read this. What are two others?

You're stuck in one interpretation of an event and it's generating a strong negative emotional response.